I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
