Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
