she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
