Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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