Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
