I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
