Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
