Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
