Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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