You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
