break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
