Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
