Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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