the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
