Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
