Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
