I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
