I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
