we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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