put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
