I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
