I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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