This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
