Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
