pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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