i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
