Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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