I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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