Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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