Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
