don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The uberlube is also flammable
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
