At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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