That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
