listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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