please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
