Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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