You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
