i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
