I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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