I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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