Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
