i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
