now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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