Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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