no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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