If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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