we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did i walk over a car last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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