oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
