it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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