I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
