You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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