Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ate ashes out of my bong
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
