watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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