there's paper in my vomit.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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