Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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