Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he shaved USA in his pubs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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