Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
