Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
