best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
